Modern families can be as successful and happy as traditional families . It takes work like everything else… if you want the best possible outcome. Relatives are connected by DNA, loyalty is what makes you a Family. When someone tells you, that you are like family to them, what they are referring to is your loyalty and trust. If you are referred to as a relative… well maybe there is a message there. At some point in your life you can start out in a traditional family and end up in one big modern family.
We live in a world full of love and at times unbelievable hate. How is it that hate shows up as everyone who is not “just like us “…is wrong? This is what is causes so much disharmony on the planet and in every day families. Every family has a person that is the “judge” and the jury of the rest of the world.
Their beliefs get filtered in somehow to the fabric of the family network. It is illogical. They could be racist, homophobic or just plain judgmental. They call the shots and everyone toes the line. This one person can have enormous influence with every member of the family. Our beliefs create our perceptions. Modern families have evolved in essence to minimize that power of complete control to a degree. Women began to work outside the home for various reasons, what evolved is a balance of equality. Equality does not end in the family structure, it filters out into the communities. This is a good thing. I remember my mom once telling me when we were discussing career options “do something that can give you the income you want so if you ever get married, you will not feel trapped.” That was very good advice. The good news now is women have leverage in the relationship where they did not 100 years ago or even 50. . Marriage now should be more about the love and less about the money. Duh. Only time will tell. When equality exists in the family and it is honored and it filters into the world. Leave it to Beaver may have been a product of the 60’s but it did not last. Poor June. There were so many expectations to live up to.
Modern families are now a fact of life in most first world countries. Working women make up half the work force in the USA. In some cases the man stays home to raise the children and the woman goes off to work. Hooray! Some families are split up because of divorce and yet still function as a family when it comes to holidays and celebrations. This is so important for the children. When kids realize that they are not the cause of the divorce and that life can go on … it does. Modern families work when the two people that split isolate their differences for the sake of the “family”. They do not engage in disparaging remarks about the other parent. As the old saying goes,” forgiveness is the gift you give yourself.” Kids thrive when all is well in their world. It also works the rest of the us. Grandparents aren’t excluded and family outings do not have to be a total nightmare. We are all living so long now, sometimes people marry as many as three times. Eternal optimists …maybe. What we have to accept and it is, very hard is that some times romantic love does not live forever. Romantic love can feel like a drug. You are so high on the love you just filter out everything else around you. When romantic love fades you are left with two people who may not be a compatible for the long haul. IT IS OK!!! You will live through it, so will your kids. The frequency between two is constantly changing and sometimes it just fades, often referred to as growing apart. Please try to remember it does not make the other person horrible. It just makes you incompatible as life partners.
By now 50% of us of have had stepparents, stepbrothers or sisters, or have been divorced. It is part of the norm. Sad but true. We all get pulled into relationships that we would rather not participate in. It is possible that it could happen to our kids too. Maybe someone reading this blog is going through a divorce right now, or possibly it is one of their kids. My advice is that who ever is going through it, keep any negative thoughts to yourself or get a therapist. Keep the drama away from your kids and parents, they are all worried enough. Divorce is hard, so is staying married to the wrong person. Be accepting of the new comer into the relationship… even if the new comer is your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. What good does it do to “act “any differently?? We all get hurt by other people. Sometimes the new modern family is one the best things that can happen to us. I remember being at my Mom’s wedding feeling this is one of the best days of my life. My stepdad Bill has been wonderful for our family. He has taken such good care of my mom. All I ever wanted after my parents got divorced is for my Mom to fall in love again. Bill is kind and considerate. He loves and appreciates her. Bill has been a dad to me over the years and a wonderful grandfather to my children. So this Fathers day, in this modern family I have come to know that everything works out. Modern families work best when we are accepting to the new members coming in. Modern families work best when we keep our heart open for the possibility of continuity instead of division.
To make the world a better place, it needs to start right where our life begins, in the family. We all need to accept that the people in our “family” matter, whether we have been divorced, remarried, gay, black, white, democrat or republican. What makes us different makes us interesting. It should not matter what our orientation is only that we love each other and want each other by our side. Be careful what you hold sacred, it could challenge your beliefs. You never know when someone in your family will have a different belief than you. Diversity happens in families It could be your own kids.. If you believe in equality for everyone let it start with your modern family. It will permeate into the world.
Sometimes people show up in our lives to not only love us but to teach us as well. If acceptance can start inside of our own families, maybe it would be possible to spread out in the world. My wish is for my kids and their kids(eventually) to live in a place that holds humanity sacred. Not ideas and propaganda. Strong beliefs and perception shape the world we live in. I realize it starts with me and what I share in my home. I want Zach and Ali to go out into the world not to be naive, but to be accepting and understanding. Take it school and eventually into their everyday lives. The world can be a better place one person, family and community at a time.
Diversity exists. There is no denying it. It is totally up to us to accept it. I played around with this blog for a few days, I am still grieving for what has been happening around the world to innocent people. Hoping this message will change some stubborn hearts and closed minds. Be careful what you say …especially in front of the children, for one day they will be taking care of all of us.
Who is better than you?? Nobody.