I can tell you when my kids are in a good place there is no stopping me.  When the opposite is true…it is Personal.  I will not rest until I try to resolve or understand how to make it better.    Communication is the key to having a successful relationship with your children.   When we own up to our own failings of our own youth to our children, it gives them permission to fail without judgement.  Too many people I have learned live a double standard when it comes to their own kids.    It is toxic and serves no one.   Let’s not pretend we were perfect children, seen and never heard.

When we cherish our children as individual human beings it gives them the space to live to their full potential.   I have tried to expose my kids to every interest they have ever inquired about. I have never held their feet to the fire.  At times it became frustrating when halfway through something “they HAD to do” it  was now totally boring and a waste of time.  I was just grateful for being able to just let them try.  No validation from anyone else.  Simply not important what others think.  I believe we all find our way at the right time.

When Zach was eight years old I signed him up for Judo.  He loved it and went diligently.  He had a mantra that taught him about modesty, integrity, and respect.  He loved it until one day he was very upset.   He looked me straight in the eye and said “Mom I am DONE.” I could not believe it. I asked “Why?” He told me the sensei would not let them break certain boards unless they got friends to sign up for classes.  I was so proud of Zachary.   He shared with me he did not come to Judo to make this guy rich!  Shazamm.. Lightening bolt.  He was not responsible for growing the guys business.  What incredible insight and dead on clarity.   Motherhood has taught me children can be our teachers as much as we can be theirs.

There are no handbooks given to you when you children are about to enter the world, but if there were.. here is what I would like them to say.

1.  Love them enough to allow them to grow up to be who They want to be.
2.  Encourage more- Criticize less.
3.  Pray over your children everyday.
4.  Teach them how to talk to God for themselves.
5.  Encourage a life of possibility and positive outcomes in every situation.
6.  Let them fail so you can be proud when they dust themselves off.
7.  Exercise patience when they cry, when someone hurts them or when they think they can’t do something.  Give it 24 hours.
8.  Remember it is their journey too.  You can’t drive the bus forever.
9.  You don’t own your children you Rent them.
10.  Family is the best foundation anyone will ever need.  Belonging and knowing you belong is the gift we give each other.

I know I don’t always get it right, I will always try to be the best Mom I can be. I am human too.  Unconditional love includes all of the above and then some.    I wrote this on Mothers Day and was too emotional to publish it.  I found it in a notebook the other day and decided as my oldest is heading off to college it was time.   The greatest gift of my life is and always will be my kids.  It is a knowing…..  a deep connection that on a soul level we are here for each other.   Motherhood made me love my parents more and everyone who loved me as a child.   As this new chapter unfolds in our life I know for sure that is time for him to take his wings and FLY.  I love you baby!

Who is better than You??  NOBODY

Update on my blog.  I will be working on a new Facebook page just for the blog and Twitter.   You can now subscribe and get the post when they are written.   It has been six months, 6 continents and 45 countries.   I love my readers and your thoughts.  Thank you for encouraging me.    The intention of the blog was that my kids would always have a reference to the way I think and feel.  It has become even bigger than that.  Write to me at alizajul@yahoo.com  I love to hear from you. Love Jules.