Maybe you have heard this term before, maybe not.   I promise you, you won’t forget it.  If it hits a nerve with you, it probably should.  Calling cards… we all have them whether we realize it or not.  My sister Tina mentioned it to me in a conversation once describing someone .. as ” well you know it is  their calling card in life to just be miserable.” Wow, that made me think.  We  all know the “Debbie Downers” somehow no one wants to hang out with them.   Everyone has a calling card… the question is which one do you answer to, and is it possible could you change it??? YES YES and well yes.

How often have we had a girlfriend that we have wanted to shake  or scream at , STOP being the doormat.  OMG he treats you like POOP!!! Oh hell yes.   We have all had one friend like this or maybe even  five.  Or the girl that just can’t stop name dropping,  it does not matter if it is her BFF’s actual connections or not … they are hers.. Yeah right.   Or everyone loves the “one -uppers. ”  Yes they have better house, car, kids, vacations spots, restaurants and you name it they got it.  GAG me with a wet banana!  They never give you your due.  You do not get to shine in the spotlight because oh yeah.. that is theirs too.

The Victims, they are at every event, party, baby shower, wedding.  The are even in the grocery store check out.   Someone else is to blame for all theirs troubles in the life. It is the government, the ex husband, their parents, their kids, their addictions because …someone else made them drink that wine, take that shot.  The victims are like air, everywhere.   Somehow everyone is responsible for their  misery and misconception.  They are not wrong everyone else is.   It is so easy to play the Victim because everyone has got a story.

The Narcissist my all time favorite.   It is all about them.  You have to go where they want to go, when they want to and do what they want to.  They are basically teflon.  Nothing and I mean nothing bothers them…  because it IS all about them and their agenda.  What is it that you don’t  understand?  As long as you say what they want to hear and do what they want to do all is good.  Watch out  world if you don’t.  Do not disappoint the Narcissist.  They will tell you what is wrong with you in a New York minute.  Actually they will tell you what is wrong with everyone, except themselves, because oh by the way, they are perfect.

 

The Enablers… so sad they believe they are doing the right thing, when everyone around them tells them to stop.  Most of them know they are messing up but do not know how to quit.  It is an ego thing.  Also a form of control.  The enabler feels empowered.  They hold the purse strings and the drugs, the house, the car keys.  They know the drug abuser will go and get more drugs.  They know the alcoholic will eventually get in the car and drive. They know as long as they keep paying for everything or doing everything for a few minutes the world will be good. They are so afraid to stop because of what might happen.

If they only knew they had the power to change everything .  The enablers are the saddest of the crew.

Here comes the JUDGE– yep they judge everything about you.  Somehow you just feel it. The feeling is yucky.  They judge how you keep your house.  They actually scan it upon arrival.  Your appearance, how much you weigh, how many winkles you have.  The judge always gives you a once over and everyone in your life. They somehow are the self appointed scanners of everything.  Oh… and it is not just you.  They judge everyone and everything.. AVOID .  Repeat AVOID.  These people are insecure, therefore they judge!  My mother has told me my whole life, “people will treat you the way you allow them to.” You know what, she is right.  Why do we give our power away?

So here is the message, watch what and how you speak over your life.  People actually do listen.   They hear every word you say, and you do get judged by it. Sorry folks the truth is the truth.

Now lets talk about the good people.  The ones we all love to hang out with.  People who lift you up .  They  don’t gossip because they really don’t care and have way too much going on in their own life.  Somehow they are the one’s no matter what life deals them they land sunny side up. Where did all the “good people go?”

The volunteers .  All they ask of themselves is how can I serve?  Believe it or not they are everywhere too.  They are at the church, the synagogue, the hospitals, habitats, shelters, food banks, schools, pet shelters, the VA, the parks, domestic violence, suicide hotlines and AA .  Good people are everywhere.  Their purpose is to contribute, not withdraw.  Can you imagine a world where everyone with a few hours to spare GAVE  something back to society??.   Literally millions do everyday.. and they are not just retirees. .  Awesome just to think about.   I am proud to say in my tribe of friends almost everyone gives back .

 

The Authentic ones.  They know they are flawed and loved for it.  They know they can not be all things to all people.  They don’t want to be.   They are willing to shrink their world to have fulfilling relationships.  They do not spread themselves too thin.   A true authentic friend is one that shows up when your life is ugly and everybody else scatters because it is just too uncomfortable.  Authentic people appreciate others for their  authenticity.  No one wonders where they are coming from because they live their life with intention.  They will always live their truth.  Listen to music that makes them happy.  Dream the dream for their life, not their parents or spouse.  They know what works for them in their life and they take no prisoners.  Most of us admire these types of people.  They are the examples in my humble opinion of what we should strive for.  We all know there enough phonies in the world.  Imitation is NOT the best form of flattery.  I just want to be me…everyone else is already taken!!  I like what my friend and coach Jennifer Grace said recently.. “Authenticity is the New Black”  I told her she should title her next book that! When people are authentic they makes us want to be more true to ourselves.

 

What about the one…. what makes you good makes you bad as my friend Michelle always says.  Remember if you are the “life of the party” you may not make the best partner in life. If you are the one that GIVES too much, maybe you save nothing for yourself and those you love so much.  If you are the one that “dresses to the nines” and looks gorgeous and you criticize everyone around you for dressing badly  .. what are you actually accomplishing?? What makes you good sometimes makes you BAD!  Keep it in check.  What makes life interesting are our relationships. Our relationship with each other.  How we view the world is based on our backgrounds and belief systems.  It is incredibly powerful when you stop and think about it.   Own yourself and how you present to the world .  Be the better person.  Don’t be  the Judge, the Narcissist or the Enabler.  We all know there are enough Victims in the world.   Catch yourself the next time you are about to go down that slippery slope of negativity and portray to the world why you or your people have the issues they have.  Ask yourself is it true and do I really need to say it again.

 

What is your calling card?   When people meet you for the first time…what do you share?Listen to yourself speak over your own life.  If you want to know what your future looks like take an inventory of how You speak over you own life.  If you do not like what you hear… change your calling card.    No one does You better than YOU???

I believe when you know better you do better.  Go and radiate some positivity over your own life today.  Fine tune it.  Be the best version of you.

After all …. Who is better than YOU??? NOBODY!!!

 

PS …Maya Angelou has inspired me for as long as I can remember.  .