If Happiness and Joy is the place everyone wants to stay in,

how do you get there?? Great question.  I would say it is about 80 percent possible most of the time by choices we make.  There are so many different roads that lead there but the most important one is Gratitude.  The bottom line is you can not be in a state of Joy without being grateful or present.  We all know in our heart what gets us there sometimes we just loose our way.   When you pick the lane of gratitude for all that is good in your life instead of everything that is not working out, happiness springs up from your internal well.  My very good friend Kathleen a long time ago  told me what her Mom always told her when she was faced with adversity.  “Take stock and count your blessings.” It has stayed with me for over 20 years.  99.9% of the time our lives are blessed… Take Stock.!!

First things first, you absolutely can not be all things to all people.  You must  “pick a lane”.  This is a hard one because if you truly love life and you want to experience it fully you just want to drive down the center of the road.   In south Florida this happens all the time and trust me people get upset!  We all want to be the person with the perfect house, garden, body, partner, lifestyle and the top producer at our firm. We want our kids to be rock stars and be the best at everything so we have bragging rights.   We also want to be respected and invited to everything with the option to say no.  It just validates to  be on everyone’s radar.  Did you hang out with the Jocks or the Hoods? It  reminds me of being popular in high school. Society and media have painted the picture that it is  all possible.  It is not. That is why star athletes have to sign on their contracts they can not jump out of airplanes.  LOL.  You have to pick a lane.

So how do you pick your lane?  Do you always drive 80 in 55? Are you trying to be everything to everybody and then finding yourself depleted?  OR do you drive safely at 55 mph your whole life so your feel safe never break the law  or make your own heart race?Do you avoid confrontation so that you stay in control and have no drama ever in your everyday.  Do you always try to make other people happy instead of yourself?  You have to pick a lane.  The bottom line is YOU can not be all things to all people.  What I have found is that I am a happier more balanced person when I pick a lane.  I say NO because I really don’t have the time to do something or I am putting someone else ahead of myself. When I say YES because it is off the charts exciting and fun and I put myself first.   I am absolutely more joyful when I know what resonates with me. There are times for schedules and there are times for going with the flow.   Going with the flow feels like freedom. Going with the flow leaves space for opportunity to show up.   How do  others respond when you pick a lane that makes you happy ??  That is a whole different subject.  If they love you and respect you it is great because they see you are doing what you love.   If they are insecure or very needy  or totally controlling it  offends them.  It is a fine line.  You must be careful.  Especially to the people you love.  When you are asked what are you doing this weekend, give yourself permission to say  “I am just going with the flow.”  Give your self options.  When I see my clients or friends or even myself stressed out to the max, it is when we are all trying to do too much and please too many people.  Same thing with our kids.  It is okay to do nothing without an excuse.

Here is an example of picking a lane.   For years I wanted to be a top producer in my office, I also wanted to be the best Mom I could be.  I had to pick a lane.  You guessed it I picked my kids over being a top producer.  That extra 20 to 30% would be great but it would be a trade off. Don’t cry for me, I do just fine.  I could do better if I was not home everyday by 5:30.  No amount of money in the world would give me back the time I spend with my kids at each stage of their young life.  Work is a necessity .  Non stop work is a choice.  I do not regret it as my son is getting ready to graduate high school.  We have had lots of quality time.  As a single mom, it has not made the guys I have dated very happy.   As a matter of fact I broke up with one on Valentines day one year because I had to do something important for my daughter right before our date.   He almost lost it.   Yes I pick lanes.  He was not the “one” anyway.   I am not at every social function or at every club event .  You know what that is just fine with me.  When you know what makes you happy or joyful then you always know the right lane to be in.   Pick a lane!  You first or what society thinks.   You first or Money.  Money or Family.  Love or Fear.  When you pick the wrong lane for too long, you either get a ticket or wreck your life.   Balance is what brings back the harmony.  Who is better than You??? NOBODY!